Here and Now or Then and There

Welcome back to the story of my life. I’m in need of a brain dump.

At this point, there are so many thoughts swirling around in my head that I almost don’t even know where to start.

But I’ll start here. Right here. At friendship road.

Traditionally, I’m the friend that celebrates birthday’s and buy special gifts. I try to be available and present when possible and I do my best to go above and beyond to make sure that my friends feel like they are special and loved. I thought that was important. At a young age, I was fortunate enough to have people in my life that thought I was important. I can’t think of a time that I didn’t feel loved by someone. I had a lot of friends that weren’t as fortunate as I was in the parent or the relationship department and I thought it would be best to pay it forward. As years go by I watch friendship road get murkier and murkier and at some point, I started cutting people off.

People come and go in your life right. No big deal. But one thing that was happening that I actively chose not to acknowledge, is that I was holding onto friendships because of how the friendships functioned in the past, not the present. When I took a look at the friendships at present-day it made me question why I even bothered to maintain them. And don’t get me wrong this wasn’t just one person, this was a few people that I still had sitting in the close friend’s category that continued to show me time and time again that they weren’t good friends.

Most of my friends know my three-strike rule. Three strikes your out. Whether it be lying, or any other foolishness that I find unacceptable you have three strikes.

Two huge flaws in this system is that not only did I remove the option to talk things out after an issue but I also wasn’t applying to rule to all friends. I had to get called out a few times for me to even notice that. One thing that I decided to do was ask a series of questions about each friend. Some of the questions included:

Do you consider this person a part of your support system? Physical, emotional, both?

Can you be your true self around this person, or do you have to filter yourself for their comfort?

Has this person lied to you?

Does this person check in on you, or do you always reach out first?

Have you been invited to life events?

If an issue has arisen, have you resolved it with them or was it swept under the rug?

Has this person canceled plans at any point? If so when, why and how often? Was an explanation provided, was it truthful?

Does this person require emotional support? Are you drained after speaking with them?

Does this person have your best interest?

Is this person honest with you if you are making foolish decisions?

Does this person respect your time?

Does this person respect your relationship?

The list goes on and quite frankly I was embarrassed after reviewing it. I was letting a lot of people slip by doing things that were unacceptable, and I was making excuse after excuse for them.

Unfortunately not only do I live in the past I also don’t like confrontation. I’m more likely to stop talking to someone completely than to give them an explanation. Something I’m working on.

But moving right along to relationship road.

Living in the past part two. Not my proudest moments.

I have the worst habit of comparing present relationships to past ones. Although I’ve gotten a lot better in a way that it only tends to happen if an action or phrase is duplicated it still was happening pretty frequently at one point. An I honestly think it’s because I like what I like, and I’ve tried to be what I thought other people like for so long that I’m starting to get tired.

I’m the girl who read romance novels in high school and romanticizes everything choosing not to acknowledge the bad parts. I wanted to be the wife who ironed my husband’s work shirts and made my kids lunch and read them bedtime stories before bed. I wanted to go on trips around the world and volunteer on the weekends and roast people at family functions.

The older I get the more I feel like I’m meant to be the family member that lives alone, has no kids and no animals and works 70 hours a week. It feels like that has to be me because every time I take on a task to better myself another aspect of my life fails, and it’s usually my relationship. Not to mention my give up/ worth through ratio when it comes to resolving issues is pretty murky.

I took on grad school because I was inspired to further my education. I wanted to give myself a better chance of making more money for many reasons. One of them is just in case there was a point that I had a raise a child on my own. I chose to go back to counseling to learn how to navigate my anxiety so I could be the best parent for my child and a better partner for my partner. Then the choice of getting back on birth control in an attempt to solve internal issues not taking into consideration the potential outcome of feeding my body extra hormones ( mood swings, depression, etc).

Looking at the future, but not navigating the present well. I hadn’t taken into consideration the amount of time that school would take up, how tired I would be, how stressed and how absent I would be.

I wanted to be a partner that brought more to the table but then wasn’t even present at the table. I wanted to be an employee that had more to offer, but then couldn’t successfully navigate both spaces.

It’s frustrating, seeing that I’ve spread myself too thin, trying to be the partner, the employee and the friend. Then I attempted to build a new support system that I can’t even withhold because my social anxiety is getting worse and I’m too busy doing homework.

Reality can be ugly sometimes, and I know one thing. I sure don’t want to navigate it on my own.

New space. New me.

I’m writing to you from my adult room. Now, when I say adult that DOES NOT mean that I peeled the sticky stars off the ceilings and removed all night lights, or that I installed some swing for additional activities during my free time. It means that I took the time and money to create a space for myself that is just for me, and clutter free.

A few months back I went to Target and filled my cart with every Opal House product that I thought would fit my vision of an adult room. I’m talking cheetah print comforter (that was naturally $70.00+ and is clearly decorative), some sheer floral print curtains (that absolutely do not keep any light out), a combination a gold wall hangings, Christmas light to run around the border, sheets with more than 100 thread count, big obnoxious fake leaves, $100.00+ worth of shams and pillows (pillows are stupidly expensive and for what), and lastly, one of those lights that melt wax.

Oh! And how could I forget? I also purchased a Phillip Hue, which is basically four fancy wifi connected light bulbs that allow me to turn them on remotely AND chance the color of them to any color that I like. Every person who has entered my place has seen every color, and the reaction of “awe” never gets old. The only bad thing is that I can’t turn on the lights when my phone is dead.

As far as I’m concerned, my room looks amazing, and it feels great to come home to a space that I can feel comfortable in. Number one rule, no clothes on the floor. I took the time to make my second bedroom my closet (although initially it was supposed to be my plant and craft room). All my dress clothes are hanging from a cheap Walmart rack that tips over without warning, and my shoes are roughly organized on a pretty sturdy Walmart shoe rack. As for having a crafting space, I’m still working on that. My apartment is only so big and my most recent Muse opted out in the middle of a creative awakening so, we’ll put a pin in that for now.

Moving on,  I recently purchased around $200.00 (by around $200.00 I mean like $300.00 with the wicker pots) worth of Plants from IKEA to make my downstairs space look like a jungle. The majority of the plants I purchased are Tropical, and naturally, I can’t pronounce any of the names, so I took the time to label them with their names and care instructions #adulting. It feels great to be surrounded by living things that don’t talk.

Although I’m writing to you from my super adult room, I’m writing to you because at this moment I feel the most alone I’ve felt in a long time. Don’t get me wrong, I have some pretty awesome, supportive friends and family, but right now I’m not really in the mood to be pitied or coddled. Additional this is me trying to break away from being dependent on folks. I’ve ALSO  come to realize that I’ve been stuck in the same realization loop since 2015, meaning I’ve probably learned the same lesson 2 or 3 times and felt like I was learning it for the first time until a few honest members of my support system had to tell me otherwise (enjoying my run on sentences?) That was pretty disappointing for me considering how self-aware and progressive I considered myself to be. Although it was a reality check it forced me to look at myself through a different lense, and examine all my unhealthy repetitive behavior. Boy, what fun that was.

 

What is even more fun is deciding to keep the behavior or try to change it during a time where I am already changing in ways that I hadn’t expected. Just looking over the list of the changes I felt like I was reading a symptoms list of a commercial antibiotic. I’ve lost interest in so many things that I use to enjoy its almost disturbing. Granted, partying with my friends was bound to get old eventually, but it’s gotten to the point where I’ve felt more like cuddling up to watch a movie than even bothering to leave the house. Again, I don’t think this is a bad thing, but the way my body got struck with baby fever was jarring. I woke up one day, feeling so happy and in love, I was so excited to start a family with the man of my dreams. Move in together, plan a wedding, all that jazz. Somewhere between March and now, I managed to not only lose be put in the friend zone by said man of my dreams but also become disgustingly under motivated to the point where it affected my job performance at work #prayforme.

So right now, at this moment in my adult room, I have no functional phone, no dinner, and could potentially be at risk for losing my job #whenadultinggoeswrong. It’s so sad to say this, but at 26 years old I’ve actually never taken care of myself; I’m curious to see if I’m actually able to. I’ve always managed to put myself in a position where I have someone checking in on me, whether it’s a “hows your day going?”, a mental check-in or literally just making sure I ate today. One day without my phone has made me realize how much I was distracting myself from reality. I lived in my head all day today, and it’s a pretty dark and lonely place.

On a brighter note, it is still summertime, which means I have more than enough time to catch up on some reading( currently reading a very humorous self-help book, thanks Fo) and creating. Not to mention focusing more on my mental health. Although I’ve been in an “accepting things that I cannot change mode” I did make the choice to seek additional feedback from sources outside my immediate support system to navigate through some things. Although it may not be my time to be a mother and a wife now when I am I would like to be the best version of myself.

Anxiety at its finest (the struggle).

These last couple months have been quite a struggle. Unfortunately, something that I thought I had conquered a long time ago has been regularly been coming back to haunt me:

(cues dramatic music)

My battle with anxiety started when I was in college and at the time I honestly didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t know why I would go out of my way avoid speaking to people or lose sleep over the thought of failing at something. I assumed that it was just some weird form a paranoia that people developed if they were shy. It wasn’t until I began lashing out at people and having small fits of frustration and loss of breath (freaking anxiety attacks are no joke man) that I realized I may have a problem. I didn’t exactly know who to go to, most people that I was around, were seemingly positive people who had everything together. I felt alone, so I decided to do some research online to figure out how to “cure my illness.”

Prescription drugs, weed, meditation. I read a number of different articles with different answers all of which I was not interested in trying (i’m a tad stubborn at times). BUT, at the time meditation didn’t seem like too much a hassle so I gave it a shot. I had a very hard time clearing my head and normally would find myself lost in the depths of my thoughts.

I was never interested in smoking, so I took kind of an alternative route. I thought about a time where I was my happiest in college, and it seemed to be when I was up all hours of the night listening to reggae. For a long time I would start and end my day with reggae, and after a year my anxiety almost seemed to disappear.

But as an adult things have been a little different for me. In the past reggae assisted with soothing my anxiety but it didn’t completely solve everything and it doesn’t solve everything now.  A big part of what helped was also my support system, my amazing friends. I have the type of friends that give me exactly what I need when I feel like the world is falling down around me. Sometimes that stern reassurance is all you need to back off that ledge. Yesterday I realized that I had taken one of them for granted. I planned a Caribbean festival meet up with a few people and I tried my best to round up everything that I thought I would need. The morning of the festival I was scrambling trying to run around and get the things that I had forgotten. By the time I got there I was on the verge of tears, for what reason, I don’t know. Anxiety does that sometimes. I had to walk away and call my friend because I was upset that I had forgotten trash bags (such a small thing that seemed so big at the time). At that moment I realized that she was always the one who would always remember the things that I would forget and make sure things would run smoothly. Whether It was entertaining my guests if I was busy with something or making sure we had everything. Regardless if I’m hosting it, my friends are my team and my support and I felt so lost without them.

Everyone is dealing with their own things right now, whether it’s looking for a new job, dealing with a breakup, starting a new relationship, starting a new family or dealing with their own silent struggles.

I’m facing things that I don’t know how to handle and I’ll be the first to admit I’ve been struggling.  A couple months ago I felt like I had adulting down pact, I was ready to get married and start a family. Then all at once everything seemingly fell apart, which in turn has brought every insecurity to the forefront. I’m continuously working on better by self.

Everyone is dealing with something. It’s easy to forget sometimes that you are not alone.

But, For those of you having a hard time dealing with their anxiety here are just a few suggestions:

1. Find a method of calming that works for you. You may not find it on the first try but once you do, your life will run a little bit smoother.
2. If you can, try to evaluate the situation before you get worked up. Ask yourself “Is this worth getting upset over?”; “ What are the different ways that I can handle this?” It’s so easy to get worked up over small things, especially when it feels like things are outside of your control.
3. Pencil in some “me time”. Taking a break from your everyday routine for a self-care routine is vital.
4. Talk it out or write it out. Sometimes getting things out in the open a good way to relieve yourself.
5. Talk to your circle about the things you’re going through, they may be able to relate or assist when you need support the most.

For those of you with someone who regularly deals with anxiety:

1. Be patient. There may be a time you don’t understand what the big deal is. Try your best not to invalidate their feelings.
2. If you haven’t already, have a discussion about what triggers their anxiety, and what you can do to help in the case of an anxiety attack.
3. Be open to extra affection. Comfort is super important. Those hard days at work sometimes result in a little extra love needed at home.
4. Don’t take it personally. There may be times when the best thing for your partner is for them to be left alone. Make sure you both are communicating effectively to know what is needed at that time.
5. If this is not what you signed up for, express yourself. Everyone is not built to deal with someone with anxiety if you aren’t willing to make adjustments say so sooner than later.

 

Good luck on your journey.

Ask me how I keep a man (SIKE)

One of the most interesting things about growing older is that I often unexpectedly find myself preparing or prepared for things that I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to prepare for in the past.

Things like saving money for retirement, looking for houses in what is considered to be a safe neighborhood, or most recently, preparing to be a long-term partner or wife.

Ever since I started dating I was determined to be the type of girlfriend that any man would be proud to have on their arm. In almost every relationship I’ve been in I’ve prepared meals, planned outings or romantic nights in. I’ve ironed clothes, given haircuts, met the parents and frankly tried to make myself everything that I thought any man would want or need. I always tried to make it a point to make my relationship what I thought was better and more successful than the relationships surrounding me. My idea of what a successful relationship looked like was found in the books that I read and the shows that I watched.

 

Like most of my friends, my parents were not together, but I was fortunate enough to have a man in the household that cared for me as well as a father who was active in my life. I grew up watching the way my mother moved within her marriage and the way my father moved within his many relationships.

From my perspective my mother was the authority figure in her relationship; The “bow before me”, “you will never tell me I’m wrong,” type. She often raised her voice to get her way, while my father was a provider, bill payer and did what he pleased for the most part. He was able to keep his women happy until he decided it was time to move on.

Low and behold, I ended up being a combination of both of them.

For a long time, I thought being in a relationship meant being needed. I thought that it meant celebrating holidays together, buying gifts, watching our favorite shows, matching outfits, and most importantly giving you what I thought you needed and getting my way with everything, all the time.

I was quite a handful. I’ll be the first to admit that I could be hard to deal with, and I did not ( and still do not)  like being told no. Although silly 80% of the time the other 20% of my personality was a combination of attitude and passive-aggressive behavior.

It wasn’t until my current relationship that it occurred to me how so many of my movements in my past relationships were unacceptable and often detrimental. Below I have  included a few factors that I find to be pretty important when it comes to having a succesful relationship.

Open and Honest Communication:

I believe that one of the largest in factors in having a successful relationship is being able to effectively communicate with your partner. Being able to express yourself and your wants and needs can only contribute to the success of your relationships. I say this because, for a very long time, I was not very good at communicating with my boyfriends. I expected them to fulfill my needs without me even having to tell them.  I figured they would know what I wanted if they paid enough attention and I would often get upset when they would not. I can’t help but laugh at that now because it is so absolutely foolish. If you want something, open your mouth and say something.  I don’t know any mind readers, do you?

But what I came to realize, is that although it is foolish, it is very common in relationships. It is often challenging to see what you’re doing is wrong when you grow up watching the behavior, and you see it happening in others relationships that you have deemed to be successful.

It is also important to communicate with your partner in a way that will not hurt their feelings, making them feel small, stupid or unwanted. I was terrible at this for a long time. I can be mean as hell, I’m not even going to lie. I cringe at the thought of some of the things I’ve said to people in the past. Fortunately, I’m one of those people who has had the opportunity to be treated like I have treated others, which ultimately corrected that behavior.

Once words leave your lips they are in the universe forever and cannot be taken back. Taking more time to think before you speak definitely can make a difference in the way thoughts are presented. If you have trouble communicating in a way that will not hurt your partner’s feelings, talking with someone who you confide in regarding your tone and statements prior to the conversation with your partner to gain feedback could be helpful.

Building/Growing Together         

Since I was a junior in highschool, I had a plan of what I thought my life should be. Married after college, travel a few years, start a career, start a business with my partner, settle down and have kids at 28. Believe it or not, I seemed to share my plan with so many of my girlfriends but never bothered to even plan for it with past partners. In college, I was in a relationship with someone who was actively planning for our future. He was business minded and bound to be successful. At the time I was too busy focused on socializing to contribute. I also felt that I wasn’t being included in the planning part, to me, it seemed to be more of his plan than ours. That pattern seemed to continue within my relationships until my most current one.

Making future plans together will ultimately contribute to the success of your relationship. It will also help you determine earlier than later whether or not your views align with each other. I don’t think there is anything worse than feeling like you’ve wasted your time. Getting wants and needs out in the open and determining what you want to accomplish as a unit will not only help you have a better understanding of your partner but will also help you decide early in the game if you and this person will be able to have a successful future.

Privacy

You don’t have to tell everyone, everything.  In the past, I was the type of person who would often confide in others for advice. Having little experience in relationships, I would often call on my more experienced friends when there were things happening within the relationships that I wasn’t sure how to handle. I learned the hard way on several different accounts that everyone does not have your best interest. There will always be someone rooting for your relationship to fail. There will always be someone waiting to swoop in after your partner screws up too many times,  and others wanting company in their loneliness.

I don’t think listening to other people’s perspectives is a bad thing, as long as you take it as a grain of salt and not the end all be all. Although I often enjoy hearing people’s options of relationships outside of my own, I’ve found it better to communicate with your partner first if you have an issue with something. Sometimes its easy to get wrapped up in other people’s conclusions as to why he’s doing what he’s doing or did what he did and you end up dead ass wrong because you decided to make an assumption instead of actually asking. Don’t play ya self. Be cautious with who you confide in.

Follow Through:

Say what you mean and mean what you say.  I cannot express how important it is to keep your word. If you say that you are going to do something, do it. It’s simple as that. It’s not a very good feeling having to constantly follow up with your partner about things that they said they were going to do and still haven’t. Trust me when I say, it can be detrimental to a relationship.

I’ve had the opportunity to date and spend time with some phenomenal men. I have never seen a such an improvement in myself like I have since I have been with Marvin. I’ve developed my communication skills, so my needs and wants are often easily meet. I have been able to see how taking interest in what your partner enjoys ultimately brings you closer to together. I was with someone who wants to see me be successful alongside them, not after them or because of them. I was with someone who regularly encouraged me to pursue my dreams and provides me with the tools to do so. He also took the time to plan outings and vacations, which I very much enjoyed. I had never felt more fulfilled and excited to plan a future. I couldn’t be happier to say, I have found the man of my dreams.

 

 

Settling In

What a week man.

Tomorrow marks the end of week two at my new job, and although thankful, I can’t act like I’m not exhausted (going from sleeping in until 10:00 a.m. to waking up at 5:30 a.m. every day will do that too you).   I got to experience this extremely overwhelming thing called “on the job training” where your employer has trainers and co-workers show you how to do something once or twice, and then you apply it immediately. Which means I was assigned my accounts and thrown into the mix without hesitation.

Fortunately I did not drown because the support system at this place is immaculate.

They encourage you to ask questions if you are unsure about something, and basically, everyone is there to help you. Can’t get better than that.

In other news, these last two weeks have also been extremely reflective.

Starting this new job not only reminded me how fast that I learn but reminded me how quickly that I tend to code switch, or in other words “ know my audience”.

It was a little bit of a culture shock coming from a workplace where everyone was consuming that same media and had the same inside jokes and views that you did, to enter a place that is the polar opposite. The only thing that I could compare it to is going from high school to college.

Going from a place of comfort where you basically picked your friends to enter a place where you’re encouraged to interact with a completely new group that you may not usually interact with.

Because I’m naturally a people watcher and enjoy new experiences, I’ve been enjoying experiencing and interacting with all the new personalities. Watching people shoot nerf guns and throw paper airplanes at each other all day, converse about their families and what they’re currently watching on Netflix.

It made me realize how much I had been limiting myself by only talking to people with similar views as me for such a long time. So I’m adding “talk to strangers” to my list of things to do better for 2018.

On a personal note, some much-needed conversations within a friendship and within my own relationship made me realize that although I try my best to be self-aware, I still sometimes fail to realize how my actions may negatively affect others. I’m starting to think that it may be that I’ve been living for and about myself for so long that I’m still doing and saying what makes me happy without taking other’s feelings into consideration.

So, I’ve added selflessness and being more considerate to the “gotta do better” list for 2018.  Along with making more time to volunteer, attending more classes, saving more money, and mending the relationship that I have with my mother.

I’ve also been having a good time playing in front of people’s camera’s, so I’ll probably keep doing that.

Here are some shots from my most recent shoot. Enjoy.

 

Taken by: Gabev_

Taken by: Gabev_

Taken by: Gabev_

Taken by: Gabev_

Taken by: Gabev_

Taken by: Gabev_

Taken by: Gabev_

Taken by: Gabev_

Taken by: Gabev_

Cut it

There was recently a new development in my wonderful world of adulting. I’m sure many of you have heard of this in passing or may have even experienced on your own, but this is the first time I was affected by it directly.

Budget Cuts.

You know, that moment in time where the company makes the decision to reduce an amount or number. This can be due to several reasons that vary from company to company. It typically is directly related to a company no longer having a need for one thing or another and deciding to remove it.

Long story short I was cut along with several other employees and then was introduced to a wonderful thing called severance.

So, yes I lost my job but will continue to get paid for a certain number of weeks. Hopefully, that will give me enough time to figure out what I would like to do for a living or at least find something to hold me over until I do.

The good thing about being unemployed is that I have all the time in the world to basically do whatever I would like to do. For me, that means trying new things like pole dancing, scheduling photo shoots, and catching up with friends that I normally wouldn’t have time for.

Being unemployed also means, I have all the time in the world. Meaning, I have all the time in the world to watch other people live their lives, while mine passes me by.

Luckily, I’ve done a pretty great job at keeping myself busy thus far hiking and picking up hobbies I had put down a while ago or starting new ones. One of which is a podcast with my younger cousin called “Grown Folks Businazz”( Link Below). We’re still working out the kinks but once it’s up and running it’ll be the talk of the town.

Like I said earlier I have also started taking pole and chair dance classes that I attend occasionally.

My initial plan was to do things that would take me outside of my comfort zone, and give me the opportunity to build confidence doing things that I normally wouldn’t.

So, I thought attending pole with a friend would be a good choice. It was a rude awakening when I came to realize not only am I lacking sexy behind closed doors, but I’m also lacking it in a room full of females. I also unfortunately still have my class clown mentality, and I typically move like Pepper Ann dancing to rap music.  Can’t you imagine how elegant it must be?

Chair, on the other hand, is more of my forte. We get to stay on the ground and believe it or not it requires a lot of endurance. Considering that my normal workouts weight training I had a foot in.

The rest of the class who consisted of mostly overweight females, middle-aged moms, and girls attempting to develop some type of sex appeal began to moan and groan halfway through the class due to the intensity of the workout. The work out’s were a lot harder than everyone anticipated, but the instructor definitely kept it fun with her bubbly and wildly inappropriate humor. Overall these classes have been the highlight of my week.

Another way I wanted to get out of my comfort zone was to schedule a photo shoot. So, I scraped up some coins and reached out to a photographer I’ve been following on Instagram for a while.

It was a waterfall photoshoot which required that I get wet an enjoy all the things about the freezing water that I was standing in, AND be attractive. Yeah, you can imagine how challenging that was right. Especially considering how mean my face naturally looks on a regular basis. Luckily the photographer I chose was able to get some pretty good shots that I received a lot of good feedback from. Overall my experience with the photographer was great, he was super professional and helped me out with some poses. I would definitely recommend him.

Jperkproductions

Jperkproductions

JperkProductions

Besides passing time, I’ve also trying to keep myself busy because it is very easy for me to fall into a funk, especially when winter rolls around. Being in a funk is, literally the last thing I want to happen.  Because with funks comes weight gain, unnecessary happy hour, and consecutive days without showering. Not a good look.

You don’t realize how much the weight of the phrase:

“Have you found another job yet?”,

Carries until it is asked to you several times a week.

When I told my parents that I had been let go I hadn’t anticipated them telling the rest of the family. My mother felt that it was important to have a support system during this tough time, not realizing that I have built a support system of my own that didn’t include my family. I’m not a fan or being pitied and being monitored by any means. So as you can imagine I’m not very entertained by the constant requests for status updates.

But hey, until I find a new job I’m definitely going to make the most of my time off.

What they said when you weren’t listening: Adulting

Adulting.

Whoopee! We’re adulting! (oh the sarcasm).

When I began my adulting journey I thought my world would be filled with vacations to different countries, Drake lyric captioned photos on my Instagram, quality time with my friends back home and the freedom of living on my own by MY rules.

Sike, I was wrong.

My introduction to adulting started with being broke immediately after college.

And what ACTUALLY happens, are bills.

Lots of bills.

-Loan payments.

-Electric Bill.

-Water bill.

-Rent.

-Gas.

-Food.

You’re lucky if you have enough to plan and execute and extracurricular an activity.

Also, what seems like a career comes into play one way or another.

My “Career” just happen to come into play about a year after graduating when I was working two unfulfilling part-time jobs to feed myself and barely make my rent.

After aspiring to be just as ambitious as the man I was with for two year’s, with his direction I applied at a place he was working at.

Which just happened to be a payroll company, that just happen to pay me enough to be able to afford to live in Maryland on my own.

And with this job, I learned one of many adulting lessons, one of them being: your work friends quickly become your real friends.

You’re with them every day, you know their life, they know yours.

And it’s not the worst thing ever until you look up and haven’t talked to your original group of friends in months. Not to mention you discover this thing called happy hour.

Then you look up and you have a belly and you could be considered a borderline alcoholic.

 

 

But anyway.

Keeping in touch with your original friends becomes challenging.

Everyone is adulting in their own way, text messages become few and far between, and this ladies and gentlemen, this where group chats and apps like glide come in handy.

Keeping all your friends in one place for updates and inside jokes works, and keeps everyone in the loop. And Glide. Recording a 10-minute story for a friend to watch later instead of having to actually schedule a call. It works. Trust me, and it helps you maintain the relationship.

Speaking of relationships. You may lose some or a bunch.

You begin to realize what people were just your “going out“ friends and what people were actually your close friends. But also, you might want to check in with your close friends to see if they’re actually still close. Because you may look up and find out they’re engaged to be married and then not get invited to the wedding, then your left wondering if your actually considered a close friend anymore.

Sometimes check-in’s are necessary. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

As I’ve gotten older I watch people becomes less about maintaining their friendships and more about building a relationships. Which I’ve never thought was a bad thing, as long as there is a balance.

Because relationships get messy. Friends will always be there for moral or financial support. Sometimes parents will be too. But maintaining relationships with friends and family are just as important.

Girlfriends also come in handy when venting is necessary and your partner is sick and tired of your coming home from work every day complaining about your work or how things aren’t right with the world. That happy hour session or facetime call to that girlfriend or guy friends out of state can be the difference between walking in the house with an attitude or walking into the house with a smile.

It’s also always fun to keep a few single friends around to hear about dating experiences.

Dating in this day and age is only getting messier.

You don’t know if your “dating” “talking” “serious” casual” or whatever and people just can’t seem to communicate. It’s a mess.

It also always seems like everyone has someone.

They don’t.

OR.

It seems like everyone has kids.

They don’t.

It’s somebody out there for everybody.

Everyone is just running a different race.

Don’t Forget that.